Determining the extroversion and introversion of you and your family members is vital to family harmony, cooperation and joy. Most of the information you will read here is from the book Raising Your Spirited Child by Mary Sheedy Kurcinka.

Its a parenting book, but for me, it provided one of lifes AHA! moments. It explained things in my marriage that likely saved the marriage. It helped me understand the personality conflict and confusion between my oldest son and I. I helped me learn to be the best me something I had not been able to do in spite of prayer, good food, exercise, etc.

Being an introvert or extrovert isnt about how you act at parties, talk to people or speak in public. I am an extreme introvert, for example, and I am quite talkative, interactive at parties and love public speaking. OTOH, my DH is a big extrovert but doesnt look forward to parties, isnt as talkative about subjects as I am and hates public speaking. Talking about introverts and extroverts is about where you get your energy. Its about how you re-fuel.

Introverts refuel by being alone. They are drained after being with people. While I am fine at parties, meetings, etc, I am drained afterward and often cranky and irritable. When stressed, I need time alone/away. In children, this would make them more aggressive, teasing, whining, etc.

Introverts:

• Like being by themselves
• Often reply slowly to questions
• Need physical space
• Are irritated by interuptions
• Need to reflect on their issues
• Limit sharing their troubles/concerns
• Feel invaded by guests
• Can seem aloof or shy

Extroverts, however, refuel by being with people. Periods of being alone drain them and they get grouchy. In children, this would make them clingy, irritable, etc.

Extroverts:

• Crave interaction
• Are recharged after being with people
• Don't like being alone
• Expect (and give) immediate answers to questions
• Need to process issues out loud
• Need feedback, sometimes to the point of where parents get concerned about self esteem
• Like to share life experiences immediately

I remember when both my DH and I worked outside the home (pre-kids). I would get stressed, and he would want to talk. It drained me. He would then suggest I call the girls and go shopping. I felt like an alien. What good is going out with people to me when I am stressed and why didnt he just be quiet? He was simply doing what he knew would help him the problem was he is an extrovert and I am not. He didnt understand that his words were anathema to me and I didnt understand why his solutions made me feel worse.

In applying this to parenting, knowing who you are in this way and who each of your children are is of great importance. By knowing this, for example, I have been able to still homeschool my heavily extroverted son while filling my introverted needs. If I didnt know this stuff about each of us, the conflicts would be ongoing and each of us would not be able to be at our best behavior. Nor would I be able to teach my children about this aspect of themselves and they might have to wait until they were 30 before understanding!